Today is somehow worth documenting

I woke up around 7 this morning. I would like to make this a normal habit. I like to think that I get more done when I wake up earlier, but I'm still unsure if this is true. So I was rather productive, finished Music History homework, had too short of a chat with a friend, and grabbed a bagel and banana from Lane for breakfast. The only glitch in my morning so far was that I was a complete spaz.

I was a little behind schedule when I left my dorm and on my way down the stairs I took a little stumble. Not a complete fall on the ground, but my cat-like reflexes came in quite handy as I white-knuckled the railing. It's a good thing I like to keep a hand near the railing in case of emergencies like this. Although I didn't completely eat stairway floor, unfortunately a guy waiting at the bottom of the stairs saw me. True, it could have been worse, but he definitely noticed my trippage and managed to comment, "Whoa there." I appreciate his attempt to make me feel less embarrassed, but it did not work. I tried to shake it off as best I could, and proceeded to get a quick breakfast before class in a complete five minutes.

I was able to successfully make it to Lane without any other issues. But I did run into a bit of trouble at the check-out line.

I was getting my sesame bagel at the check out line and put it in a bag so all of the sesame seeds didn't leave a mess on the floor. It was one of those small wax paper bags. Not too sturdy. But sturdy enough to handle my bagel AND my banana. Five seconds...then FLAH-CRASH. Seeds were flying and I barely caught my bagel in time before it touched the floor (although that probably would not have stopped me from eating it). My banana was fine, but I think it was slightly bruised from its fall. The cashier wished me a good day on my way out.

So I was running a little late to my first class by this point, and I see Ian also walking to the door to the stairs for class. Like the gentleman that he is, he held the door open for me. He politely asked me how my day was going and I replied, "Alright. But it would be better if I weren't such a bloop!" Apparently "bloop" has found its way inside my vocabulary box...although I shouldn't be surprised if I'm making up words like, "FLAH-CRASH!" Oh well.

So I was definitely out of it during my Music History class. More attention than the past week, but still not quite up to full speed. I was probably stressing over my van test.

So the van test. I signed up to take the van test as a way to contribute to transportation for O-staff and so I can earn some extra cash and have a form of transportation. I was oober nervous. I had tried to reserve a van a few days earlier so I could practice. Alas. No luck. Despite my shakiness, especially after my morning, the test itself wasn't bad. The van was almost the same as the Dodge Ram that I drove when I was first learning to drive, so I was pretty familiar with the controls. It was much noisier than the van at home and it had one more bench in the back I had to account for spacewise. Ultimately, I passed and will be free to drive a van in a few days if necessary.

Completely satisfied with myself for the moment, I proceeded to class, eating the peanut butter chocolate chip cookie I had saved. What a great treat for myself since I had passed (and if I hadn't, what a great comfort. Yes, I eat my feelings). Now during class we were discussing minimalism. So I decided to start thinking about this summer: goals, work options, committments, etc. Because I didn't have any blank paper, I just wrote on the worksheet she handed us. That consumed the rest of the class period.

I went through my conducting class and we were practicing the Third Suite by Lager. This is an instrumental score, and I was terrified out of my mind. Too many lines. We also conducted the Wind Ensemble during their rehearsal. It wasn't completely terrifying standing in front of all those musicians and their instruments. There are worse things. Despite my uneasiness, the director and my peers said I did a good job and I got some positive feedback.

I had dinner with my friend Adrienne and took some time to practice.

Highlight of the day: Dan, my brother, and I had a legitimate conversation. 16:58 minutes. I called to wish him a happy birthday. We talked about a bunch of things, like what he did for his birthday, what he will do later this week, school, transferring, volleyball...the list is so long! I'm so excited that he was willing to talk to me, especially since I could hear he was with his friends, and he valued talking to me versus the immediate bonding with his buds.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DANIEL!

Now I am finishing my blog entry, which took precedent over the Bartok questions due about a month ago. They will get done...another day. I am just very thankful for this day that I had.

Peace.

Home is Who You Are

Self realizations and insights from my mind:

I don't like it when people repeat themselves over, and over...and over again.
I refrain from speaking at times because I have a problem with repeating myself, and as a result dislike myself.

I need to continue to develop the ability to not let my emotions hinder who I am and responsibilities I need to uphold.

I expect too much from myself. I don't deny my feelings, but I am very critical of myself by how my feelings affect my performance in everyday life.

I value service towards others.

I like pepper.

I need at least 8 hours of sleep and to schedule alone time for me.

I have a passion for teaching and developing relationships.

I choose to be around people because I value the memories and experiences that I may have with them.

I recognize that I don't usually give my opinion unless it is requested. In this recognition, I don't usually feel the need to change this habit and freely give my thoughts more often. This is quite funny, due to the content of this blog. I chose to write this as an outlet for me. I know that those who read are those who are interested in me as a friend and person, and I want you to know these things about me.

On the account that I must soon leave, one of the greatest lessons that I have learned this year is home is who you are. My apartment mates for next year and I discussed ways to make our place seem "hommie" and a refuge for us all. That was also my intent for my dorm room this year. I wanted to develop relationships and friendships with my peers to try to simulate a home-like atmosphere. But these are the truths to me: a place is a place as it is, and people are who they are. I can't compare friends in New England to friends in CA. They are just different. I need to embrace them for who they are and where they are in their lives. I can't expect my "home" in NE to be my "home" in CA, or even remotely like it. A place is a place, and I must carry the home that I want it to be inside of me and who I am. The warmth and provision that God provides for me is not in a house, or in people, but it is in the Holy Spirit. It is my goal to keep my mind on God's plan for my life, and His strength to make a home where I feel safe.