This is what I have to offer. Do you want it? Is it good enough?

This fall/winter academic season has put me in the position to question many things about myself and the life God has given me. One of the themes includes perfectionism and how it calls into question my perspective of what I have to offer my professors, my colleagues, my friends, my family, and my Lord. Am I good enough? How is it that I continue time and time again to fall short? There can't possibly be more grace, can there? Even when I think that I'm starting to do better, can pick myself up a bit, and lower my standards of self-expectation, something happens when I realize that still my lessened standards are still too high. How can this be? How much more of what I know this can be do I need to sacrifice? 

I know that my life is not my own. That I am just a vessel for God to do His work, and that He does work through the imperfections of this world, including me. With this in mind, and due to the holiday season, this Christmas season I have had great empathy and appreciation for the song Little Drummer Boy. Just like this boy, I have been thinking about what I have to offer my King who saves me day after day. It isn't much. But God knows my heart and has given me gifts to continue to sing His praises. So let me offer Him what I have, make it the best I can in this time, and let it be. I know He will still smile at me.


Little Drummer Boy

Come they told me,
A new born King to see.
Our finest gifts we bring,
To lay before the King.

So to honor Him,
When we come.

Little Baby,
I am a poor boy too.
I have no gift to bring
That's fit to give the King.

Shall I play for you
On my drum?

Mary nodded.
The ox and lamb kept time.
I played my drum for Him;
I played my best for Him.

Then He smiled at me,
Me and my drum.