One of my guilty pleasures as a blogger is to check the amount of blogs I write per month, and then try to average about the same amount or more to maintain an even documentary. This may be out of my desire to have some control in my life, and/or also because, if you know me at all, I love my projects. Yes, this particular post may be my way of increasing the statistics of the month of September, but I also think there will be good words to follow. While adding to the monthly collection of posts is most certainly is an intrinsic goal of mine, and not just a petty obsession, this time to write let's me look back on this month, and has left me reflecting on all the things that have happened which have prevented me from the online updates (out of chronological order):
Began my Abnormal Psychology class
Signed up to walk in for the National Brain Tumor Association
Began writing the candy order at Trader Joe's
Began teaching voice lessons at Shore Country Day School
Began church choir season
Started reading through the book of Isaiah
Started volunteering for Northeast Arc
Spent time with Vangie in the hospital, almost went in 3 days a week for the first two weeks of September
Vangie died
Went to Vangie's memorial service
Been starting to try to reconnect with friends in the area, and pursuing those friendships
Watched my plumeria plant grow
I can't believe so many things have started this month, and ended. This is just a physical list of what has been on my plate, not mentioning all of the brain power I've been using to make certain activities at work successful, the details of homework for class, and the emotional struggle and exhaustion from grieving.
Tomorrow is the walk to fight brain tumors, October 1, 2011.
I'm learning about and recognizing how growing up with brothers has shaped me as a person and in my relationships toward my guy friends:
I'm used to seeing guys in comfy and casual dress attire, usually including a t-shirt versus a button-down. Even though that's pretty common, whenever I see a guy friend in a t-shirt, I still can't help but make a quick smile as I think about it.
I had to eat quickly and get my share of meals before the boys ate all the food! Most of the time, labeling leftovers worked, but then again, other times you just never knew. In this way, I'm usually able to keep up at the dinner table whenever the guys are around, or if I'm eating with girlfriends, I usually get my share of the meal.
A punch in the arm, or other form of torture, just means that I love you.
These are the general lessons of/with brothers, and I deeply love both of mine, but something very cute happened at church this morning that I also want to mention from the other side of the life.
I was able to see the girls I babysat during the summer as they were visiting their grandparents' church. The youngest came up to me during the after-church luncheon, and told me how she dropped her fork on the ground and needed a new one so could I walk with her to get a new fork because she didn't want to go by herself. :) I willing obliged, and secretly loved that she felt like she needed and wanted my presence, security and help for something as simple as getting a plastic fork. She took my hand as we walked five steps from my seat to the table with the plasticware. We carefully selected a new fork and walked back to her seat. I then asked her where her old fork was. Lo, and behold, it was still on the ground where it fell, so I picked it up and asked if she could throw it away in the trash can.
Upon her return I wanted to provide some positive reinforcement (which is a topic that comes up in my psychology class often) for cleaning up after her mess, so thought it would be really cool to hold out my hand so she could give me a high-five. I feel like my parents introduced me to high-fives as a form of positive reinforcement at an early age even as a girl, and then they also did so with my brothers. Also, assuming that holding out your hand for high-fives is a fairly common gesture I didn't precede the motion with any cool saying in megaphone voice, like "HIGH-FIVE!" When the little girl finally came back proud of her accomplishment and then seeing my hand, instead of forcefully joining our hands together to make a fun clapping sound, she softly just put her hand into mine. Then I had a quick moment of realization: she is growing up with sisters, and holding hands to do things is much more common than a "Gimme five" hand slap, like I did with brothers. At that moment, my heart softened a bit and I smiled and held her hand as I helped her back into her seat. I am so grateful for that God made girls and gives us sisters, and simple joys they bring to life through companionship.
I am so glad I was able to hang out with you and that we were able to spend much of the summer together. We looked up scholarships together, you let me bum off your Internet, we cooked and baked, decorated your room with posters and pictures, did laundry, went on McDonald's outings, shopped for groceries, and watched Project Runway and Down Home with the Neelys along with many other Food Network shows. ;)
I think one of the things that I appreciated about you the most is how you took on life with such a "can do" attitude. You didn't let fear rule your decisions and ambitious nature like I do. Even though I am scared to audition for roles and scholarships, you consistently encouraged me to audition and helped me research for various openings in choirs in Boston. You prescribed good vocal literature to me that would suit my voice well. You praised me for my unique voice and sound. Even when sometimes I felt like I should be encouraging you through your battle, you were the strong one helping me.
I want you to know that spending time with you this summer was not a burden to me. You may have felt that it was, asking for me to come over when I wasn't working, but I viewed our time together as time of friendship. For some reason, I didn't get to share much time with you while I was a student at Gordon, and I don't think we were close friends. But I am so grateful that my work schedule this summer allowed me the time I had with you. To come along side of you and love you. If I had taken a 9am-5pm job like many of my friends, we wouldn't have been able to share the time that we did have together. God has an ultimate plan, doesn't He? While I felt so lonely this summer being separated from most of my circle of friends because of work, He sent you for companionship for me. I thought I was alone, but no, you Vangie, became a source of comfort and presence for me. So for that, thank you.
I know you are now at peace. The pain and angst that you were facing till the end is over and you have new life in a perfect body free to proclaim Truth and God's glory as you strove to do during your time with us. You now can easily move with freedom and grace. Your instrument is not inhibited by earthly limitations, but you can sing out with refined resonance. You're home, dear. With your Momma. I will remember and cherish my time on earth with you, but I know we will sing together again in heaven when I am also called home, and then I will see you.
