I woke up around 7 this morning. I would like to make this a normal habit. I like to think that I get more done when I wake up earlier, but I'm still unsure if this is true. So I was rather productive, finished Music History homework, had too short of a chat with a friend, and grabbed a bagel and banana from Lane for breakfast. The only glitch in my morning so far was that I was a complete spaz.
I was a little behind schedule when I left my dorm and on my way down the stairs I took a little stumble. Not a complete fall on the ground, but my cat-like reflexes came in quite handy as I white-knuckled the railing. It's a good thing I like to keep a hand near the railing in case of emergencies like this. Although I didn't completely eat stairway floor, unfortunately a guy waiting at the bottom of the stairs saw me. True, it could have been worse, but he definitely noticed my trippage and managed to comment, "Whoa there." I appreciate his attempt to make me feel less embarrassed, but it did not work. I tried to shake it off as best I could, and proceeded to get a quick breakfast before class in a complete five minutes.
I was able to successfully make it to Lane without any other issues. But I did run into a bit of trouble at the check-out line.
I was getting my sesame bagel at the check out line and put it in a bag so all of the sesame seeds didn't leave a mess on the floor. It was one of those small wax paper bags. Not too sturdy. But sturdy enough to handle my bagel AND my banana. Five seconds...then FLAH-CRASH. Seeds were flying and I barely caught my bagel in time before it touched the floor (although that probably would not have stopped me from eating it). My banana was fine, but I think it was slightly bruised from its fall. The cashier wished me a good day on my way out.
So I was running a little late to my first class by this point, and I see Ian also walking to the door to the stairs for class. Like the gentleman that he is, he held the door open for me. He politely asked me how my day was going and I replied, "Alright. But it would be better if I weren't such a bloop!" Apparently "bloop" has found its way inside my vocabulary box...although I shouldn't be surprised if I'm making up words like, "FLAH-CRASH!" Oh well.
So I was definitely out of it during my Music History class. More attention than the past week, but still not quite up to full speed. I was probably stressing over my van test.
So the van test. I signed up to take the van test as a way to contribute to transportation for O-staff and so I can earn some extra cash and have a form of transportation. I was oober nervous. I had tried to reserve a van a few days earlier so I could practice. Alas. No luck. Despite my shakiness, especially after my morning, the test itself wasn't bad. The van was almost the same as the Dodge Ram that I drove when I was first learning to drive, so I was pretty familiar with the controls. It was much noisier than the van at home and it had one more bench in the back I had to account for spacewise. Ultimately, I passed and will be free to drive a van in a few days if necessary.
Completely satisfied with myself for the moment, I proceeded to class, eating the peanut butter chocolate chip cookie I had saved. What a great treat for myself since I had passed (and if I hadn't, what a great comfort. Yes, I eat my feelings). Now during class we were discussing minimalism. So I decided to start thinking about this summer: goals, work options, committments, etc. Because I didn't have any blank paper, I just wrote on the worksheet she handed us. That consumed the rest of the class period.
I went through my conducting class and we were practicing the Third Suite by Lager. This is an instrumental score, and I was terrified out of my mind. Too many lines. We also conducted the Wind Ensemble during their rehearsal. It wasn't completely terrifying standing in front of all those musicians and their instruments. There are worse things. Despite my uneasiness, the director and my peers said I did a good job and I got some positive feedback.
I had dinner with my friend Adrienne and took some time to practice.
Highlight of the day: Dan, my brother, and I had a legitimate conversation. 16:58 minutes. I called to wish him a happy birthday. We talked about a bunch of things, like what he did for his birthday, what he will do later this week, school, transferring, volleyball...the list is so long! I'm so excited that he was willing to talk to me, especially since I could hear he was with his friends, and he valued talking to me versus the immediate bonding with his buds.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DANIEL!
Now I am finishing my blog entry, which took precedent over the Bartok questions due about a month ago. They will get done...another day. I am just very thankful for this day that I had.
Peace.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Home is Who You Are
Self realizations and insights from my mind:
I don't like it when people repeat themselves over, and over...and over again.
I refrain from speaking at times because I have a problem with repeating myself, and as a result dislike myself.
I need to continue to develop the ability to not let my emotions hinder who I am and responsibilities I need to uphold.
I expect too much from myself. I don't deny my feelings, but I am very critical of myself by how my feelings affect my performance in everyday life.
I value service towards others.
I like pepper.
I need at least 8 hours of sleep and to schedule alone time for me.
I have a passion for teaching and developing relationships.
I choose to be around people because I value the memories and experiences that I may have with them.
I recognize that I don't usually give my opinion unless it is requested. In this recognition, I don't usually feel the need to change this habit and freely give my thoughts more often. This is quite funny, due to the content of this blog. I chose to write this as an outlet for me. I know that those who read are those who are interested in me as a friend and person, and I want you to know these things about me.
On the account that I must soon leave, one of the greatest lessons that I have learned this year is home is who you are. My apartment mates for next year and I discussed ways to make our place seem "hommie" and a refuge for us all. That was also my intent for my dorm room this year. I wanted to develop relationships and friendships with my peers to try to simulate a home-like atmosphere. But these are the truths to me: a place is a place as it is, and people are who they are. I can't compare friends in New England to friends in CA. They are just different. I need to embrace them for who they are and where they are in their lives. I can't expect my "home" in NE to be my "home" in CA, or even remotely like it. A place is a place, and I must carry the home that I want it to be inside of me and who I am. The warmth and provision that God provides for me is not in a house, or in people, but it is in the Holy Spirit. It is my goal to keep my mind on God's plan for my life, and His strength to make a home where I feel safe.
I don't like it when people repeat themselves over, and over...and over again.
I refrain from speaking at times because I have a problem with repeating myself, and as a result dislike myself.
I need to continue to develop the ability to not let my emotions hinder who I am and responsibilities I need to uphold.
I expect too much from myself. I don't deny my feelings, but I am very critical of myself by how my feelings affect my performance in everyday life.
I value service towards others.
I like pepper.
I need at least 8 hours of sleep and to schedule alone time for me.
I have a passion for teaching and developing relationships.
I choose to be around people because I value the memories and experiences that I may have with them.
I recognize that I don't usually give my opinion unless it is requested. In this recognition, I don't usually feel the need to change this habit and freely give my thoughts more often. This is quite funny, due to the content of this blog. I chose to write this as an outlet for me. I know that those who read are those who are interested in me as a friend and person, and I want you to know these things about me.
On the account that I must soon leave, one of the greatest lessons that I have learned this year is home is who you are. My apartment mates for next year and I discussed ways to make our place seem "hommie" and a refuge for us all. That was also my intent for my dorm room this year. I wanted to develop relationships and friendships with my peers to try to simulate a home-like atmosphere. But these are the truths to me: a place is a place as it is, and people are who they are. I can't compare friends in New England to friends in CA. They are just different. I need to embrace them for who they are and where they are in their lives. I can't expect my "home" in NE to be my "home" in CA, or even remotely like it. A place is a place, and I must carry the home that I want it to be inside of me and who I am. The warmth and provision that God provides for me is not in a house, or in people, but it is in the Holy Spirit. It is my goal to keep my mind on God's plan for my life, and His strength to make a home where I feel safe.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Psalm 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Greater than our dreams
When I was reading Mandii's blog, I began thinking about our week and how strange it has been. Some of our thoughts overlapped at places this week and we shared similar feelings of being lost and unsure of the paths before us. But as I was commenting at the end of Mandii's memo, I realized not only was I typing too much for a comment, but also that most of what I was saying reflected my own hidden attitudes on how to approach my insecurities and doubts:
I know that it is only by God's grace that I have salvation, but what does that really mean? It means I am disgusting and undesirable in every way, but God in all of his accepting and forgiving nature takes me and says that I am beautiful, made in His image, even. He loves me so much He sent His son Jesus to earth to live a perfect life as a man, Jesus voluntarily sacrificed himself bearing the weight of my sins, died, and rose from the dead three days later conquering hell and pissing off Satan! So if Jesus is doing all of this work for me, then I have no right to be selfish in the gifts He gives me.
Yes, I will continue to be selfish in the future, but I am a sinner and I constantly make mistakes. I thank God for loving me anyway. A life of submission will lead to greater dreams than our own. They are God's dreams for us.
Remember, God has plans for us far greater than our dreams, but we must submit to Him and let Him use us.
I think this last idea is what I have been struggling with this past week. I keep trying to put God in my bubble of things I want to do. That's not serving the Lord. Originally when I came to Gordon I had the mindset that God has given my a gift and I am developing it to be an act of service to Him for my entire life. This makes me realize what an incredible ass I've been, thinking that my plan is better than God's and being selfish with a talent that isn't even mine.
Each new day brings challenges, but the life we have is a blessing. How are we taking advantage of God's gifts to us? Selfishly? As a Pharisee would? This is a constant struggle for me to remember that God is in total control. But the point is, He is. And I need to get over myself.
I know that it is only by God's grace that I have salvation, but what does that really mean? It means I am disgusting and undesirable in every way, but God in all of his accepting and forgiving nature takes me and says that I am beautiful, made in His image, even. He loves me so much He sent His son Jesus to earth to live a perfect life as a man, Jesus voluntarily sacrificed himself bearing the weight of my sins, died, and rose from the dead three days later conquering hell and pissing off Satan! So if Jesus is doing all of this work for me, then I have no right to be selfish in the gifts He gives me.
Yes, I will continue to be selfish in the future, but I am a sinner and I constantly make mistakes. I thank God for loving me anyway. A life of submission will lead to greater dreams than our own. They are God's dreams for us.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Things I am learning
The purpose of learning is growth, and our minds, unlike our bodies, can continue growing as we continue to live. ~Mortimer Adler
Education Learning
Music History: early baroque through classical period
Musicianship through ear training
To be a better performer
Antiquity Philosophy
Music Theory
Conducting
Voice lessons
Piano lessons
Self Learning
My primary love languages: words of affirmation and physical touch
My joy for sending notes and letters
My appreciation for my family and the values my parents instilled upon me
The importance of friendship, and an expansion of the characteristics that a friendship may have
Trusting in God's plan for my life
How to honor God through my music
I am a loner
How to say, "I need you."
To be an independent active thinker
How to control my strong-willed reactions when I feel awkward and out of place, usually it is my attempt to be funny and laugh...FAIL
To set time aside each day to read my Bible and relax
To uphold the idea of Sabbath each week
Having a better understanding of God's grace
Other Lessons
How to stay warm in the winter
The wonders of COCOA BUTTER
My list of comfort foods primarily consists of carbs: rice, tater tots, and Sarah's lazy omelette (with potatoes)
The convenience of bringing tupperware to Lane to save extra food for leftovers
I am blessed with many close and supportive friends
Education Learning
Music History: early baroque through classical period
Musicianship through ear training
To be a better performer
Antiquity Philosophy
Music Theory
Conducting
Voice lessons
Piano lessons
Self Learning
My primary love languages: words of affirmation and physical touch
My joy for sending notes and letters
My appreciation for my family and the values my parents instilled upon me
The importance of friendship, and an expansion of the characteristics that a friendship may have
Trusting in God's plan for my life
How to honor God through my music
I am a loner
How to say, "I need you."
To be an independent active thinker
How to control my strong-willed reactions when I feel awkward and out of place, usually it is my attempt to be funny and laugh...FAIL
To set time aside each day to read my Bible and relax
To uphold the idea of Sabbath each week
Having a better understanding of God's grace
Other Lessons
How to stay warm in the winter
The wonders of COCOA BUTTER
My list of comfort foods primarily consists of carbs: rice, tater tots, and Sarah's lazy omelette (with potatoes)
The convenience of bringing tupperware to Lane to save extra food for leftovers
I am blessed with many close and supportive friends
Saturday, January 24, 2009
MORE STRONG THAN TIME
MORE STRONG THAN TIME
by: Victor Hugo (1802-1885)
SINCE I have set my lips to your full cup, my sweet,
Since I my pallid face between your hands have laid,
Since I have known your soul, and all the bloom of it,
And all the perfume rare, now buried in the shade;
Since it was given to me to hear on happy while,
The words wherein your heart spoke all its mysteries,
Since I have seen you weep, and since I have seen you smile,
Your lips upon my lips, and your eyes upon my eyes;
Since I have known above my forehead glance and gleam,
A ray, a single ray, of your star, veiled always,
Since I have felt the fall, upon my lifetime's stream,
Of one rose petal plucked from the roses of your days;
I now am bold to say to the swift changing hours,
Pass, pass upon your way, for I grow never old,
Fleet to the dark abysm with all your fading flowers,
One rose that none may pluck, within my heart I hold.
Your flying wings may smite, but they can never spill
The cup fulfilled of love, from which my lips are wet;
My heart has far more fire than you can frost to chill,
My soul more love than you can make my soul forget.
This English translation of "More Strong than Time" was composed by Andrew Lang (1844-1912).
http://www.poetry-archive.com/h/more_strong_than_time.html
by: Victor Hugo (1802-1885)
SINCE I have set my lips to your full cup, my sweet,
Since I my pallid face between your hands have laid,
Since I have known your soul, and all the bloom of it,
And all the perfume rare, now buried in the shade;
Since it was given to me to hear on happy while,
The words wherein your heart spoke all its mysteries,
Since I have seen you weep, and since I have seen you smile,
Your lips upon my lips, and your eyes upon my eyes;
Since I have known above my forehead glance and gleam,
A ray, a single ray, of your star, veiled always,
Since I have felt the fall, upon my lifetime's stream,
Of one rose petal plucked from the roses of your days;
I now am bold to say to the swift changing hours,
Pass, pass upon your way, for I grow never old,
Fleet to the dark abysm with all your fading flowers,
One rose that none may pluck, within my heart I hold.
Your flying wings may smite, but they can never spill
The cup fulfilled of love, from which my lips are wet;
My heart has far more fire than you can frost to chill,
My soul more love than you can make my soul forget.
This English translation of "More Strong than Time" was composed by Andrew Lang (1844-1912).
http://www.poetry-archive.com/h/more_strong_than_time.html
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Random events
I got this from Melody's blog, one of the blogs I follow. Such fun!
So, here's what you do...
Things you've already done: bold
Things you want to do: italicize
Things you haven't done and don't want to - leave in plain font
Consider yourself tagged!
1. started your own blog
2. slept under the stars
3. played in a band
4. visited Hawaii
5. watched a meteor shower
6. given more than you can afford to charity
7. been to Disneyland/World
8. climbed a mountain
9. held a Praying Mantis
10. sang a solo
11. bungee jumped
12. visited Paris
13. watched a lightning storm at sea
14. taught yourself an art from scratch; beaded lizards
15. adopted a child
16. had food poisoning; stupid chinese buffet...
17. walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. grown your own vegetables
19. seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. slept on an overnight train
21. had a pillow fight
22. hitch hiked
23. taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. built a snow fort
25. held a lamb
26. gone skinny dipping
27. run a marathon
28. ridden a gondola in Venice
29. seen a total eclipse
30. watched a sunrise or sunset
31. hit a home run
32. been on a cruise
33. seen Niagara Falls in person
34. visited the birthplace of your ancestors, only one
35. seen an Amish community
36. taught yourself a new language
37. had enough money to be truly satisfied, when I was a child and had no concept of expenses
38. seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. gone rock climbing
40. seen Michelangelo's David in person
41. sung karaoke
42. seen Old Faithful Geyser erupt
43. bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant
44. visited Africa
45. walked on a beach by moonlight
46. been transported in an ambulance
47. had your portrait painted
48. gone deep sea fishing
49. seen the Sistene Chapel in person
50. been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. kissed in the rain
53. played in the mud
54. gone to a drive-in theater
55. been in a movie
56. visited the Great Wall of China
57. started a business
58. taken a martial arts class
59. visited Russia
60. served soup at a kitchen
61. sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. gone whale watching
63. gotten flowers for no reason
64. donated blood
65. gone sky diving
66. visited a Nazi concentration camp
67. bounced a check
68. flown in a helicopter
69. saved a favorite childhood toy
70. visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. eaten caviar
72. pieced a quilt
73. stood in Times Square
74. toured the Everglades
75. been fired from a job
76. seen the changing of the guard in London
77. broken a bone
78. been on a speeding motorcycle
79. seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. published a book
81. visited the Vatican
82. bought a brand new car
83. walked in Jerusalem
84. had your picture in the newspaper
85. read the entire Bible
86. visited the White House
87. killed and prepared an animal for eating, I helped with a fish Grandad caught.
88. had chickenpox
89. saved someone’s life
90. sat on a jury
91. met someone famous
92. joined a book club
93. lost a loved one
94. had a baby
95. seen the Alamo in person.
96. swum in the Great Salt Lake
97. been involved in a law suit
98. owned a cell phone, I wouldn't say I own my cell phone.
99. been stung by a bee
So, here's what you do...
Things you've already done: bold
Things you want to do: italicize
Things you haven't done and don't want to - leave in plain font
Consider yourself tagged!
1. started your own blog
2. slept under the stars
3. played in a band
4. visited Hawaii
5. watched a meteor shower
6. given more than you can afford to charity
7. been to Disneyland/World
8. climbed a mountain
9. held a Praying Mantis
10. sang a solo
11. bungee jumped
12. visited Paris
13. watched a lightning storm at sea
14. taught yourself an art from scratch; beaded lizards
15. adopted a child
16. had food poisoning; stupid chinese buffet...
17. walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. grown your own vegetables
19. seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. slept on an overnight train
21. had a pillow fight
22. hitch hiked
23. taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. built a snow fort
25. held a lamb
26. gone skinny dipping
27. run a marathon
28. ridden a gondola in Venice
29. seen a total eclipse
30. watched a sunrise or sunset
31. hit a home run
32. been on a cruise
33. seen Niagara Falls in person
34. visited the birthplace of your ancestors, only one
35. seen an Amish community
36. taught yourself a new language
37. had enough money to be truly satisfied, when I was a child and had no concept of expenses
38. seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. gone rock climbing
40. seen Michelangelo's David in person
41. sung karaoke
42. seen Old Faithful Geyser erupt
43. bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant
44. visited Africa
45. walked on a beach by moonlight
46. been transported in an ambulance
47. had your portrait painted
48. gone deep sea fishing
49. seen the Sistene Chapel in person
50. been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. kissed in the rain
53. played in the mud
54. gone to a drive-in theater
55. been in a movie
56. visited the Great Wall of China
57. started a business
58. taken a martial arts class
59. visited Russia
60. served soup at a kitchen
61. sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. gone whale watching
63. gotten flowers for no reason
64. donated blood
65. gone sky diving
66. visited a Nazi concentration camp
67. bounced a check
68. flown in a helicopter
69. saved a favorite childhood toy
70. visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. eaten caviar
72. pieced a quilt
73. stood in Times Square
74. toured the Everglades
75. been fired from a job
76. seen the changing of the guard in London
77. broken a bone
78. been on a speeding motorcycle
79. seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. published a book
81. visited the Vatican
82. bought a brand new car
83. walked in Jerusalem
84. had your picture in the newspaper
85. read the entire Bible
86. visited the White House
87. killed and prepared an animal for eating, I helped with a fish Grandad caught.
88. had chickenpox
89. saved someone’s life
90. sat on a jury
91. met someone famous
92. joined a book club
93. lost a loved one
94. had a baby
95. seen the Alamo in person.
96. swum in the Great Salt Lake
97. been involved in a law suit
98. owned a cell phone, I wouldn't say I own my cell phone.
99. been stung by a bee
Monday, January 12, 2009
New semester, new beginning
I am back at school! I am mostly unpacked, and struttin' my new hairstyle attributed to my fabulous cousin Kari and friend Jasmine. Sandy did a great job with the photos! Thank you, everyone! :D
Thank you for getting me out of my comfort zone and trying new things! I must also credit Dad because he provided the final words of encouragement to go and cut my hair.
Thank you for getting me out of my comfort zone and trying new things! I must also credit Dad because he provided the final words of encouragement to go and cut my hair.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Projects 2008 and 2009
This is the original and final list of my projects for 2008:
Original
1. Color by number, Seascape
2. Afghan
3. Kristina's scrapbook
4. Baby bag/ Baby bag
5. Graduation Lei
6. Baby blanket and pillows for Julia I learned to put in zippers!
7. Baby blanket (and pillows) with Kristina.
8. Duvet cover
9. Dirty clothes bag
10. Hand Bag
11. Laptop cover
12. Seaside counted cross stitch
13. Baby hats for Africa (3)
14. Monica's pillow
15. Mom's pillow
16. Random grey scarf
17. Hem choir dresses
New/Continued Projects into 2009
1. Afghan (almost done!!!)
2. Baby blanket (and pillows) with Kristina.
3. Kari's scarf
4. Sandy's scarf
5. Grandy's scrapbook
6. Alicia's afghan
7. Baby hats!
8. Pillows from Great Grandmother
9. Kitty Cat paint by number
10. Stain a jewelry box
11. Bible verse
Italics indicate completion!
Original
1. Color by number, Seascape
2. Afghan
3. Kristina's scrapbook
4. Baby bag/ Baby bag
5. Graduation Lei
6. Baby blanket and pillows for Julia I learned to put in zippers!
7. Baby blanket (and pillows) with Kristina.
8. Duvet cover
9. Dirty clothes bag
10. Hand Bag
11. Laptop cover
12. Seaside counted cross stitch
13. Baby hats for Africa (3)
14. Monica's pillow
15. Mom's pillow
16. Random grey scarf
17. Hem choir dresses
New/Continued Projects into 2009
1. Afghan (almost done!!!)
2. Baby blanket (and pillows) with Kristina.
3. Kari's scarf
4. Sandy's scarf
5. Grandy's scrapbook
6. Alicia's afghan
7. Baby hats!
8. Pillows from Great Grandmother
9. Kitty Cat paint by number
10. Stain a jewelry box
11. Bible verse
Italics indicate completion!
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