Greater than our dreams

When I was reading Mandii's blog, I began thinking about our week and how strange it has been. Some of our thoughts overlapped at places this week and we shared similar feelings of being lost and unsure of the paths before us. But as I was commenting at the end of Mandii's memo, I realized not only was I typing too much for a comment, but also that most of what I was saying reflected my own hidden attitudes on how to approach my insecurities and doubts:

Remember, God has plans for us far greater than our dreams, but we must submit to Him and let Him use us.

I think this last idea is what I have been struggling with this past week. I keep trying to put God in my bubble of things I want to do. That's not serving the Lord. Originally when I came to Gordon I had the mindset that God has given my a gift and I am developing it to be an act of service to Him for my entire life. This makes me realize what an incredible ass I've been, thinking that my plan is better than God's and being selfish with a talent that isn't even mine.

Each new day brings challenges, but the life we have is a blessing. How are we taking advantage of God's gifts to us? Selfishly? As a Pharisee would? This is a constant struggle for me to remember that God is in total control. But the point is, He is. And I need to get over myself.

I know that it is only by God's grace that I have salvation, but what does that really mean? It means I am disgusting and undesirable in every way, but God in all of his accepting and forgiving nature takes me and says that I am beautiful, made in His image, even. He loves me so much He sent His son Jesus to earth to live a perfect life as a man, Jesus voluntarily sacrificed himself bearing the weight of my sins, died, and rose from the dead three days later conquering hell and pissing off Satan! So if Jesus is doing all of this work for me, then I have no right to be selfish in the gifts He gives me.

Yes, I will continue to be selfish in the future, but I am a sinner and I constantly make mistakes. I thank God for loving me anyway. A life of submission will lead to greater dreams than our own. They are God's dreams for us.