The Process

So I am now going by the name Kate. It's not that I don't like Katie any more, in fact, I still love being called Katie Rose, and Katie will now be an endearing term for all of my family and friends who started knowing me by this name as a marker of our love and friendship. The reason for this change: a feeling...intuition... Ultimately due to a knowing of so much internal change needing to be physicalized.

The past year has included working through so many thoughts, habits, actions, ways of thinking, living, and doing, and questioning almost everything. But in all the questioning, there is one prayer that I have come back to time and time again: that God would reveal Himself to me and that I might know Him better.

So what does answer to prayer look like in this case? 

Well, to start, it has been just over a year since I began meeting with my behavioral health counselor with whom I have been talking through my discomforts, anxieties, grief, inferiority, thoughts and questions about the meaning of faith and hope. These conversations have thrown me into the world of "the process" and I am continuously learning how to be self led in the moment, and I am able to work through ideas, concepts, and personal thoughts of identity, society, and how I am a part of this world.
For example: 

What are our roles as women of God in the world, and how do we uphold our brothers in Christ as we are their sisters? Specifically.

How do people who lead busy lives, and know how they should be spending each moment, create physical space and mental clarity to live in a way that serves others?

How do we as Christians approach daily devotions in a fast-paced, demanding world? What position does that put us in to lose an hour each day from other aspects of our lives? How do I honestly feel about this: cheated, self pity, accepting?

What is rest?

What is Sabbath? 

How does Sabbath and quiet time with the Lord become real for me now, each day?

Within this overall process of dialogue and discovery, some questions reveal wholesome truths, and I can hold them close, treasured and solid to my being; then I may go forward each day knowing and accepting them as a part of who I am. Other questions and ideas take longer to develop into real character, but for now continue to linger on my mind's canvas until I can own them and speak honestly of them. Of course, conclusions from this conversation between my mind and the keys, even now, is also temporary, and expected to change in the future, so that I may come to a deeper understanding of myself and the connection between this human and eternal life.